Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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