Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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