once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
