There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
