you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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