If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
