Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
