Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
