You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
