so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
