I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
