He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
