So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
