if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
