thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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