so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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