Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
