I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
