I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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