Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
