"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
