yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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