Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
