Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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