I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
try to milk me bitch
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