I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
