Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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