a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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