Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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