When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
