Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
