thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
