i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
