I just saw a hot homeless man
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
