the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize