I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
