My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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