I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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