Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
