I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
