don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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