I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
