I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
