Im at strip club and am horny
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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