If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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