Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says