Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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