I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?