I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
