12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone