Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.

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  (212): It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you. http://tfl.nu/rmlk
  Replies (23) Good night (555) Bad night (1543)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (4988) Bad night (525)
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  (310): View more from California

  So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers

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  (310): So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers http://tfl.nu/ezh2
  Replies (1) Good night (2017) Bad night (513)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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  (509): I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me. http://tfl.nu/tzej
  Replies (9) Good night (5223) Bad night (601)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.

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  (727): I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place. http://tfl.nu/vbxd
  Replies (18) Good night (5940) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (906) Bad night (3831)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

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  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (1305) Bad night (7183)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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  (409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo
  Replies (34) Good night (9323) Bad night (2381)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

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  (716): Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor http://tfl.nu/4crz
  Replies (7) Good night (2395) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.

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  (210): so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail. http://tfl.nu/722m
  Replies (8) Good night (1593) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure

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  (760): They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure http://tfl.nu/8s7w
  Replies (11) Good night (1270) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

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  (360): I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist http://tfl.nu/4ea1
  Replies (12) Good night (620) Bad night (1918)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl

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  (407): I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl http://tfl.nu/1s7i
  Replies (11) Good night (1806) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.

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  (318): I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world. http://tfl.nu/vb5k
  Replies (4) Good night (1097) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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  (573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4
  Replies (5) Good night (1654) Bad night (504)

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