Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize