Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming

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  (703): my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming http://tfl.nu/nmyq
  Replies (13) Good night (729) Bad night (3678)
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  (631): View more from New York

  guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple

  (1-631): View more from New York

  whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?

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  (631): guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple (1-631): whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread? http://tfl.nu/vnh0
  Replies (31) Good night (4530) Bad night (1603)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1447) Bad night (5638)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

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  (410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc
  Replies (26) Good night (1575) Bad night (4464)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point

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  (660): I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point http://tfl.nu/7cy0
  Replies (30) Good night (1039) Bad night (4550)
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  (914): View more from New York

  all she had left on were here heels. phone five

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  (914): all she had left on were here heels. phone five http://tfl.nu/azpy
  Replies (11) Good night (5411) Bad night (952)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?

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  (218): Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday? http://tfl.nu/s08h
  Replies (5) Good night (2170) Bad night (981)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (4507) Bad night (817)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  fuck our hall.

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  (517): the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story. (1-517): fuck our hall. http://tfl.nu/9mns
  Replies (7) Good night (700) Bad night (1716)
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  (661): View more from California

  Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.

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  (661): Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic. http://tfl.nu/0y3r
  Replies (5) Good night (1143) Bad night (378)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!

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  (416): What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time! http://tfl.nu/7efc
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (415)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me

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  (516): and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me http://tfl.nu/kvyu
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (301)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.

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  (507): The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER. http://tfl.nu/0t63
  Replies (3) Good night (1119) Bad night (364)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I felt like I was at the zoo

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  (519): How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things (1-519): I felt like I was at the zoo http://tfl.nu/xxq9
  Replies (0) Good night (826) Bad night (282)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.

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  (361): She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/xu7v
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (274)

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