he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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