Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
