dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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