So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
