I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
