I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
