I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
40s are totally the cure
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
