Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
