Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
