I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
