There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
