I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
