You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize