I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
