Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
