I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
