Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
