I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
