just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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