Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
