there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
