Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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