I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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