I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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